Elvis lives! And he's apparently making wine. For $12 US you can treat yourself to a hip swivelling Jailhouse Red Merlot or a lip curling Blue Suede Chardonnay. However if you think you're going to get a personal tour with the elusive rocker around his Memphis vineyard, think again. The wine is produced in Napa Valley by a company called Graceland Cellars under licence with Elvis Presley Enterprises. It's an extreme example but one indicative of a recent phenomenon; celebrity wines. The worlds great and good are tripping over themselves to get into the wine game. Some, like the Rolling Stones and Kiss, are merely putting their names to a label, (If you can't imagine Keith Richards holding up a glass of Chardonnay to the light, neither can we.) and calling it "rock and roll in a bottle."

Others are more hands on. Vince Neil of piss-poor rock band Motley Crue owns his own winery called Vince Vineyards and feels so strongly about his wine, he had the label tattooed on his arm. Now that's brand loyalty. Wine used to just go with food, but now people realise it goes very well with fame too. From a commercial point of view it makes perfect sense. A winery gains a certain edge if it has an idol endorsing it. It doesn't matter if that same idol is long decanted such as Marilyn Monroe. Her Marilyn Merlot might be disappointing, but you've just got to try it. Another is Sting of Police fame. His labels come numbered and autographed, prompting inevitable jokes about it having a message in a bottle. 

And that is the drawback of having a star-struck label. It attracts jokes and nobody takes the wine seriously. A case in point is the Maradona Clasico from Argentine winery Raices de Agrelo. The blue label with the star's portrait certainly raises an eyebrow, and maybe provokes a one-off novelty purchase. But you might soon discover it's good for dribbling only. We all know celebrities will endorse anything if the price is right. Yet a small winery is hardly a Nike contract and the wine business can be a money eater. Cliff Richard describes his wine enterprise as a "ridiculously expensive hobby."

So money is not the reason for this wine idol phenomenon. Perhaps kudos is. Wine has become trendy. The mysterious allure of liquified sunshine has become as enticing as a disco ball for many stars (see Madonna). Wine has a depth and sensual richness lost in other beverages. Lleyton Hewitt should be producing energy drinks for the sporting community. Instead he's producing Chardonnay for the sparkling fraternity. The same goes for Federico Mendez, the well known Argentine rugby player. He's producing sturdy Malbec under the Cuevas del Puma label.  

Another reason is ageing, and I'm not talking about cellar storage in oak barrels. If you look at the life span of most celebrities involved in wine, most of them are entering the autumn days of their careers. To produce a decent red is perhaps their swansong to a glittering existence. 

It's a common occurrence amongst rich retirees. Wine used to just get you loaded. Now it's the already loaded that get into wine. Mick Hucknall has realised he'll never relive the halcyon days of Simply Red. So why not just make... a simply red. His Il Cantante is produced in Sicily. 

Olivia Newton John has long put the days of pop socks and drag racing in Grease behind her. Instead she is enjoying sunshine days on her Australian vineyards, sipping her own Koala Blue Chardonnay and dreaming of those summer nights. 

Tell me more, tell me more... 

Cliff Richard

Aged over 67 years, rich and dark bodied, suitable for all occasions but particularly popular at Christmas, still showing strong notes and a remarkable lack of acidity, famous in the UK but occasionally sampled abroad, a favourite of Tony Blair, Sue Barker and the Archbishop of Canterbury, strongly rumoured but never confirmed to be fruity; we refer, of course, to Sir Cliff Richard. Not content with having got himself a cryin´, talkin´, sleepin´, walkin´, livin´doll, the Peter Pan of pop has now got himself a workin´winery.

The Algarve vineyard goes by the name Adega do Cantor. The winery's marquee brand is Vida Nova Rosé, described by a very famous British celebrity on Gordon Ramsey's TV show as follows: 'That's rubbish. 

I wouldn't pay for that, it's tainted, it's insipid. It tastes like vinaigrette. I'd never buy that.' Tragically, the very famous British Celebrity turned out to be Sir Cliff himself, who'd been duped by Ramsay into blind tasting his own vintage. It's rumoured that Richard then told Ramsay to 'go f*** himself.' We'll drink to that. After 50 years in the music business, Sir Cliff has finally done something that could properly be described as rock 'n' roll. 

Madonna

Madge's website asks; 'Have you ever wanted to share a bottle of wine with Madonna?'

A dangerous question; in the hierachy of fun things to do of an evening this proposition ranks alongside 'panty raid in a maternity ward'. And when you throw in the possibility that Guy Ritchie might be joining us for a glass, most likely to discuss his next 'project', it plummets still further, perhaps even to the level of 'sharing a bottle of wine with Cliff Richard.'  

But let's give the material girl the benefit of the doubt. Having made the transition from sunny '80s popstar to oversexed '90s transgressor-in-chief to noughties gay disco diva, and adopting a stricken African urchin, no one could accuse Madonna of jumping on any bandwagons. 

'Delicious and flavourful' according to the website, Madgeplonk is available in Cabernet Sauvignon (spelt 'Cabarnet' on the website, which is hardly going to endear the label to Robert Parker), Pinot Grigio and Barbera versions. We can't tell you what they taste like because no one seems to have reviewed them. But if you thought Shanghai Surprise was a criminally underrated movie you'll probably enjoy a drop of 'Cabarnet'.  

Francis Ford Coppola

You may not have heard of this chap so we'll fill you in a little. He's the proud father of famous Hollywood director Sophia Coppola. Frank himself had a little success in the 1970s with a couple of films about the Mafia and some trippy Vietnam movie whose name escapes us. Several turkeys later Coppola folded up his directors' chair and got into the more serious business of winemaking. And we do mean serious. Unlike Cliff and Madge, Frank isn't just messing around with wine because his day job's gone west. Coppola acquired a prime slice of Napa Valley real estate in 1976 and renamed it Rubicon Estate. He has seen the reputation of his wines climb ever since. This is possibly the only celebrity bottle you can take to a party without getting told to haul your sad ass back to Oddbins and pick up something drinkable. FFC has a genuine passion for growing and flogging fine wines. As Michael Corleone would never have said, 'It's not only business.'  

(Coppola was good enough to give The Grapevine an exclusive tour of his estate. It's a marvellous thing this Flash technology. If you fancy doing the same go to www.niebaum-coppola.com)